Long Weekend
by White Firebird
Summary: You wonder how he can just show up unannounced after not speaking to you for five years, and you wonder how you can still harbor any feelings for him. Then he looks over at you and smiles, and you feel like you did the first time you ever had bacon flavored ice cream. That's when you realize those feelings never truly went away.
1. a ghost came to visit

**Wow. It's been a while, hasn't it? Well. I won't bore you all with the details of why it's been forever, all that matters is that I missed writing. Inspiration struck. And here this is. To whoever reads and reviews this, enjoy. Chapter two will be up shortly. **

**Don't sue me cuz I don't own anything.**

* * *

_"Do you, Spencer, take Veronica to be your wife, to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honor and keep her, in sickness and health, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her as long as you both shall live?"_

You look across at Freddie, your eyes locking onto his as Spencer uttered 'I do' to a seriously slimmed down Father McGurthey. He then turns to look at Alyssa, who was currently giving you the look of death. Or what passes for a look of death with her, considering she's as frightening as the corsage on your wrist. He shook his head, eyes back on you before looking down at his shoes.

_"Do you, Veronica, take Spencer to be your husband, to live together in the covenant of marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honor and keep him, in sickness and health, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him as long as you both shall live?"_

He looks back up at you as the words 'I do' leave Veronica's lips. He looks like he's about to vomit, or pass out, or both, but what he actually ends up doing and saying makes everything all topsy turvy.

"Sam…**I love you**."

Now you're the one who wants to vomit.

* * *

"Carlyyyyyyyyyyyyy! CARRRRRRRRLYYYYYYYYYYY! **CARRLAAAAYYYY!**"

The brunette slowly made her way down the steps to the first floor in a haze, still half asleep as she reached the first step and looked out into the kitchen, a highly irritated look painted across her disheveled features.

"It's four in the morning Sam! What do you want!?"

The blonde in question had a look of distress on her face as she peered over her shoulder, having rummaged thru the refrigerator for the better part of the last five minutes, looking for a late night snack in vain.

"What happened to the ham I had stored in here?", she asked worriedly, shaking her head and muttering to herself that it had to be here somewhere. "I was saving that bad boy for a special occasion!"

Rubbing as much of the sleep out of her eyes as she possibly could given what time it was, Carly groaned and lowered her head, strands of her hair acting as a veil as it covered her naked face. The majority of her evenings now consisted of little moments like these ever since she and Spencer had taken Sam in when she moved back to Seattle from California. At first, the two of them thought it would only be for a month or two, maybe three tops. _Maayyyybeeeee_ four or five if Sam had a harder time than usual getting back on her feet.

Two years, seven months and nineteen days later, however…

"You ate that ham for dinner!", she whined as she found herself being dragged by her feet into the kitchen, reaching around Sam into the fridge and grabbing herself a bottled water before plopping herself down onto one of the seats at the table. "You ate the entire thing in like, five minutes too!"

Sam whirled around to face her best friend so quickly it made Carly dizzy from merely watching it, giving her a confused look before shaking her head and sticking it back inside the fridge, as if this ham she spoke of was going to appear out of thin air. Spoiler alert; it wasn't.

"No I didn't!", she replied indignantly, scoffing almost at the notion that she would eat something she would be saving for just an occasion like this. After a couple more minutes of nearly tearing the fridge apart, she let a frustrated sigh escape her lips as she slammed the door shut and joined Carly at the table, staring out into the abyss that was the empty living room. Her eyes then darted over to her best friend, who was groggily sipping on her water, looking back at her thru heavily lidded eyes. "Spencer didn't eat it, did he? Because he owes me a—"

"He didn't eat it!", the brunette shrieked back, the sleep deprivation clearly coming through in her tone of voice, causing Sam to wince. "You came home telling us how badly you needed ham so you bought yourself the biggest one they had at the supermarket and then dared us that you could eat the whole thing in less than ten minutes, and we told you don't do that, you'll get sick, and then you ate it in less than five minutes."

Sam furrowed her brows at Carly's recollection of events earlier in the evening, her mind working overtime to remember if this indeed happened, and then it dawned on her, a sheepish grin spreading out across her lips as she nodded her head, blonde curls bouncing to and fro as she did. "Oh. Yeah. Well—"

"And _then_ you ate my last red velvet cupcake with chocolate mousse filling", Carly then added as she cut off Sam, her left eye twitching ever so slightly at the loss of her would-be dessert. "But it's _fiiiiiine_", she dragged the word out, indicating that it was anything but. "I wasn't actually saving that for a special occasion"

The blonde hung her head and mumbled an apology under her breath before it suddenly shot up, a devious look on her face as her eyes drifted to the hallway that led to Spencer's room. "You know what we should do now that we're both awake?"

Carly shook her head, one eye drooping shut before snapping back open. "Bold of you to assume I'm awake right now", she replied as she slumped in her seat, wanting nothing more than for this conversation to have a quick end so she could go back to sleep.

"We should do a 'Wake up Spencer'. For old times' sake", she says deviously, rubbing her hands together as if she were some old timey villain in a black and white western. Many ideas began to run thru her head, all of which made her oblivious to the hand waving in front of her face trying to snap her out of her trance.

"We are not doing a 'Wake Up Spencer' right now, nor are we probably ever doing one again", Carly said as she stood herself up and began to slowly make her way back to the steps leading upstairs, briefly stopping to look back at her best friend, who still wasn't paying any attention to the words she was speaking. "And besides, we need a technical producer to do all of that stuff, and we don't have one anymore", she added with a yawn. "Goodnight, Sam."

That finally caused Sam to snap back to reality, looking over to the spot occupied by Carly mere seconds ago. She went to say something but thought better of it, merely sliding down in her chair as her mind played around with those words as if they were little gobs of pizza dough. She was right; they couldn't really do anything without…him, around. Now that she thought about it, she couldn't even remember the last time they had spoken. About anything.

"Oh, right", she said to herself softly, the memory of the last conversation they had coming quickly back to her. Five years ago, almost to the day. She was still living in LA with Cat, and she remembered tuna, saving him from being eaten alive, and having dinner after he was released from the hospital. They didn't even really eat; they just talked, and talked, and talked some more. About her life in Los Angeles. His back in Seattle. Their crazy mothers. iCarly. Her babysitting job. His impending graduation from college. And finally, their past relationship. They spoke about that the most, so much so to the point where they were the last two people in the restaurant when it closed down. And then they kept talking about it back at her apartment. She remembered how the conversation ended, most of all, with him telling her that he'd send her an invitation to his graduation party, where they could talk and catch up some more. She remembered watching him leave and being hopeful about possibly rekindling their old flame. She just remembered being _so ready_ to see him again, and _so ready_ to try again. So she waited for her invite to come. And waited. And waited.

It never did.

She'd be lying to herself if it still didn't gnaw away at her every so often.

After that, she didn't much feel like staying in LA anymore, but didn't really have a reason to go home to Seattle either. So she stayed with Cat for a little while longer, until one day she received a phone call from Spencer telling her that Carly was home from Italy. That was all she needed to hear, and so she was off, and now here she was, living with them. What was supposed to be a three, four month thing turned into almost three years in the blink of an eye. That Carly hadn't kicked her out after the first month was a testament to her unending patience, and for that she was incredibly grateful for the fact that she was still letting her live under her roof. But that was all going to change soon. It had to. It needed to.

Her hand digs deep into her pajama pants, fishing out her Pear Phone as the screen illuminates the area where she's sitting. Her eyes are met with a bright red and white reminder of the events happening this weekend, and she groans. She doesn't particularly want to be doing any of these things, but she knew she had to. It was Spencer's wedding, after all. Spencer. Was getting **married**. To **Veronica**. No matter how many times she repeated those words to herself, it was still surreal, knowing that in a few short days, that lovable goofball was going to be walking down the aisle with a woman who only loved him for his tuxedo once upon a time.

The fact that they were even on speaking terms, let alone an actual, functioning couple after the tuxedo debacle and the whole 'pretending I'm dead even though I'm really not' thing is what truly amazed her. But who was she to say anything? The last time she was even remotely interested in someone was seven months ago, and that ended horribly; she was drunk off of wine coolers, the dude had tried making a move on Carly and she ended up having to be carried out of the bar by Gibby before she threw up on his shirt. So she was clearly winning at everything.

Sighing, she forced herself out of her seat and back up the steps to the third floor, nudging the glass door open that was still adorned with the old iCarly logo, flopping onto her bed. Ever since she had moved in with the Shay's, she had turned the old studio where they created so much magic every week into a makeshift bedroom. Sure, there were still things from their web show days that remained; the hammer that almost killed Carly, their iWeb award, the old car, her remote…and in the corner of the studio, the cart that was still filled to the brim with techno geek stuff still remained. Shaking her head, eyes finally fluttering shut, she let out an exhausted half sigh, half yawn as she drifted off to sleep. Tomorrow was the beginning of the long weekend full of wedding festivities. She didn't know what to expect, but she had a feeling that it would be wild and crazy and definitely loud and spontaneous.

She just wasn't expecting her entire world to get turned on its ear.

* * *

Hearing a loud yell which could only belong to Spencer followed by what sounded like Veronica admonishing him, Sam got out of bed and took the elevator down to the first floor, only to be greeted by the eldest Shay trying to get his ostrich (Marvin? She couldn't remember it's name) under control, all while Veronica stood in the kitchen, shaking her head in disbelief.

"Good morning, Sam", she said as cheerily as she could muster, eyes darting back and forth between her fiancé and the ostrich he was still having a hard time calming down.

"Mornin' V", Sam replied simply as she walked into the kitchen and grabbed a watermelon slice from the fruit platter on the counter, sitting down in the same seat she had occupied mere hours ago. Today was Thursday, which in Spencer and Veronica terms meant day one of their obscenely long weekend of wedding stuff. The soon-to-be-newlyweds were putting the finishing touches on the decorations and their cake, whereas she and Carly had to go pick up their bridesmaid dresses and Veronica's grandparents from the airport, after which they would all convene for dinner at Tetrazzini's. She groaned inwardly; there was a lot of work involved with all of this and she felt like doing none of it.

"At least you get to eat for free tonight", Carly's voice rang out as the brunette in question sat down next to her smiling, munching on cantaloupe as she too watched Spencer try to wrestle Marvin's collar around his obscenely long neck. "I know how much you enjoy food that you don't have to pay for."

"Get out of my head Shay", she grumbled, the tone of her voice quickly belied by the grin that had spread across her lips as she picked a piece of Carly's cantaloupe from her hands and popped it into her mouth. "Remember what happened the last time someone tried probing around this?", she asked with a full mouth, her finger shooting up to her forehead.

"You broke Gibby's thumbs. Again", Carly sighed, recalling the six hours she had to spend in the hospital with him while the doctors tried to figure out how one's thumbs could bend in such a disturbing manner. "What is it with you and breaking his thumbs?"

The blonde shrugged her shoulders, leaning back in her seat. "I dunno, what is it with him trying to act like he's my therapist?", she shot back. When Carly didn't immediately respond, Sam decided it was time to change subjects. "Speaking of your boyfriend, where is The Gibbinator? I feel like I haven't seen him in forever."

"That's because the veterinary's office has him working all sorts of crazy hours lately", Carly murmured pensively. She was happy that he was advancing in his field of expertise and doing something he loved but also selfishly found herself wishing he was around more often than he was. At least she was guaranteed to see him tonight and the rest of the weekend, so there was that.

"I still can't believe they let him around animals", Sam retorted before another scream caused them both to whip their heads toward the living room, finding Spencer on the floor trying to shield himself from getting trampled to death by Marvin. Almost on cue, Veronica walked into the living room to witness this, and all she could do was sigh, as if to say _'This is who I'm choosing to marry.'_

Snapping her fingers twice surprisingly managed to get Marvin to stop acting rambunctious, as he ceased his squawking and attempted stomping of her fiancé. Looking down at Spencer bemusedly before helping him to his feet, she gave Marvin a quick pat on his head while simultaneously admonishing her soon to be husband. "You realize what this means, right?"

"I don't wanna take Marvin back to Yakima to be with my grandad!", Spencer wailed, stomping his foot as if he were a child being deprived of his favorite toy. "I know I can make him a perfectly good ring bearer for the wedding! I just need a little more time!"

"I've given you almost three months, Spencer! And every time you try you end up on the floor screaming for help! He's going back to Yakima and that's final!"

"Why am I finding this amusing?", Sam asked no one in particular as she propped her elbows up on the table, resting her chin in her palms as she watched the four thousandth argument erupt between the couple in front of her. "This is more entertaining than any Shelby Marx fight."

Carly gave her best friend an admonishing look, but nonetheless quickly turned her attention to her brother throwing a temper tantrum on the couch while Veronica pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to keep the headache that was surely coming at bay. "Those two should have their own sitcom, I swear", she mused, her and Sam's eyes landing on one another as they shared a laugh.

"It'd be better than anything on NBC", Sam added as she stretched her limbs out and reached out for an orange slice off the counter. "And CBS for that matter, too."

The brunette went to agree with her but caught a glimpse of the time from the clock above the fridge and realized that they had to get their show on the road, pronto. They had a busy day ahead of them and the quicker they got all of it done, the sooner she could see Gibby and be knee deep in chicken pomodoro because oh gosh those were the only two things she wanted in her life right now. "C'mon Sam, we gotta get moving."

Sam slumped in her chair to the point that she nearly slid out of it, pouting like Spencer was a few moments ago. "I don't wannaaaaaaa", she complained loudly as she felt her arm being tugged on by the brunette. "Can't we just pick the dresses up tomorrow and skip right to Tetrazzini's? I need garlic bread like you wouldn't even believe."

"And what about Veronica's grandparents? Who's gonna pick them up from the airport?", Carly asked incredulously as she tapped her foot on the ground impatiently.

"We can call them a Ryde! Done and done!"

"Sam!"

She stood up and glanced over at the couch, where Spencer was still throwing a hissy fit and without missing a beat, raced over to the coffee table and splayed out on it, mimicking him in her actions. All Carly could do in that situation was stand beside her future sister-in-law and sigh alongside her. She wished she could say that these types of things ended when they were still in high school, but these outbursts happened at least once a month now. Heck, this was the third one this week and it was only Thursday. So she did what she normally did to get Sam to stop acting like this.

"I'll buy you a smoothie and some beef jerky if—"

Carly barely had a chance to finish her sentence before a blonde headed blur pushed past her up the stairs, and within three minutes Sam was back downstairs, dressed in clean clothes and grinning from ear to ear. "Well come on Carls, those dresses aren't gonna pick themselves up! Let's get going!"

And going the duo did, hustling out of the building and hopping onto Sam's bike, riding into downtown Seattle. After a few hours of trying the dresses on (and Sam nearly ruining hers by almost spilling her smoothie on the skirt) and just having a good time hanging out, they returned to the apartment to drop off the dresses and switch vehicle before picking Veronica's grandparents up from the airport.

"Can you believe that one chick with the unibrow we saw?", Sam asked as they turned the corner and lingered outside for a moment while Carly tried finding her keys.

"I swear I thought I saw it move", Carly giggled as she finally dug said keys out of her purse and unlocked the door, turning the handle to enter. "Spencer! Veronica! We're—"

She stopped dead in her tracks upon entering her home, rooted to her position and jaw hanging slightly open. Wondering what the chiz was up, Sam pushed her way past the door into the living room, snapping her fingers in her best friend's face to try and wake her up. "Um, earth to Carlotta, what's the malfunction in your junction?"

"Hey, girls."

Sam ceased what she was doing immediately; she knew that voice. Furrowing her eyebrows, she slowly turned around and felt her jaw drop through the floor. It was as if she had seen a ghost, because for all she knew, she was seeing was one.

"Hi, Freddie", Carly managed to finally breathe out as they watched him stand up from the couch, smiling at them.

For the first time in a long time, Sam was speechless. Any words that would've come out of her mouth would've been stuttered and she would've sounded like Gibby did that one time she locked him in the school cafeteria freezer. So she just stood there, opening and closing her mouth like one of Spencer's goldfishes, unable to form a coherent thought.

"Hey, are these two the infamous Carly and Sam you've told me about?"

Her eyes darted to the other blonde in the room, the one standing beside him, her arms wrapping around his shoulders and waist, and suddenly Sam felt her fists balling up and she was breathing heavy and she felt like she was going to become real fighty real quick and now she wanted to be anywhere else but the apartment right now as Freddie introduced her.

"Oh, yeah. Carly, Sam, this is Alyssa. My fiancée."


	2. off like a switch

**Heeeere's chapter two, entirely from Carly's eyes. Took a little longer than I would've liked but that's life. Enjoy!**

* * *

_One year ago_

It was supposed to be a normal Thursday night. You were lying on your bed, trying to count the amount of gummy bears on your chandelier and talking to Gibby on the phone about what you were going to do for dinner the next night, when you saw your bedroom door open out of your peripherals. You could see Sam standing there in the doorway, debating on whether to enter or come back later, which immediately made you sit up and wonder what was wrong; she had no issue barging in on your conversations with Gibby before, what would make her stop now? So you politely end the call with your boyfriend and turn your full attention to your best friend.

"Sam? Sam, is everything okay? Do you wanna come in?"

She opens her mouth but closes it just as quickly. She's hesitating and now you're getting slightly worried that she might've run afoul of the cops again or gotten into another fight and you have a few scenarios running through your head and all of them end up with her in handcuffs being whisked away to actual jail.

"What's wrong?" You don't even bother to hide the growing concern in your voice as you prepare to hop off the bed and drag her into the room so she'll talk, but to your surprise walks into the room of her own volition and closes the door behind her, before flopping face first onto your ice cream sandwich couch.

You remain silent, opting to let her speak to you as opposed to your normal routine of prying information out of her against her will. After a few more minutes of somewhat awkward silence and you petting her hair like you would when you were younger, she finally peels herself off the couch and sits up to face you. You see she's got her left hand balled up into a fist, but there are no cuts or bruises on it. So at least she didn't slug someone or something, that's good news.

But then said fist slowly opens to reveal a necklace shaped like her old remote control. Oh. You give her a puzzled look, wondering why she would be distressed over something so small. And then it hits you. **Ohhhhhhhhhhhh**.

"I found this at home." The words come out so softly you almost strain to hear them. She takes a deep breath and you try to prepare yourself for whatever may come, but you're thrown off by how calm she seems when she starts speaking again.

"Am I crazy?" She hands the necklace over to you for you to look at, which you do, remembering the look on her face and just how ecstatic she was when it was gifted to her. You look at her weirdly when she repeats her question.

"Crazy how?"

"For still feeling some sort of way about Freddie? I mean, that's not normal, right?"

You try to inject some of your patented Carly wisdom into the conversation but your voice is drowned out by her ramblings about all things Freddie Benson. Eventually you give up trying to speak at all, so you sit back and listen to her pour her metaphorical soul out to you about him. Eventually, after what felt like hours, you finally manage to get a word in and ask something you wanted to ask from the onset.

"Sam, remind me, when was the last time you saw Freddie?"

"Four years ago." She mumbles, the words coming out bitterly, so you get the hint that there's no use in going down that road, lest you want to get yelled at.

"And you haven't gotten over him since you broke up? Not even a little?"

She looks at you like she always does when you state the obvious, causing you to hold your hands up in defense. "You see why I voluntarily admitted myself to a mental hospital, right?"

You give her a scolding look for deflecting back to sarcasm, and now she's shirking away from you, standing up and pacing around the room in a circle. You can tell how hard she's thinking of the right words to say just from the twisted expression on her face and how much she's running her hands through her hair. She then comes to an abrupt stop, turning on her heel to face you, exasperated in her body language.

"I don't know Carly. Maybe that's why I'm crazy." She reaches out to take the necklace back from you, holding it in her palm, staring holes through it.

"Why? Because you loved Freddie at one point?"

"No." She looks at you, and you swear she looks like she's about to scream, or collapse, or both. "Because I _still_ love him."

* * *

Your eyes go back and forth between Freddie and Sam, to the point where you think you're going to give yourself a headache, they're moving so fast. Then you look briefly at the other woman, this Alyssa, and the first thing you notice is that her hair is the same shade of blonde as Sam's and you wonder if that's purely a coincidence or Freddie's trying to say something without actually saying it.

Then you notice how different he looks. Yeah, you rationalize, it's been seven years since you've seen him, so of course he's gonna look different, but it's not necessarily a good kind of different. He looks….worn out. Exhausted. Fatigued. Drained. You could spend all night going through your mental thesaurus finding words to use to describe just how utterly beat he looks. His shoulders are slumped and he's hunched over (now you're remembering that awful rhyme his mother made up about erect backs) and he looks like he needs about thirteen hours of sleep, stat.

"It's a pleasure to meet you two. Freddie's told me so much about how close you three are."

She speaks and you tilt your head to the side for a couple of reasons, first of which is how she phrased that sentence. You haven't been close to Freddie in seven years. Sure, you two spoke when you could, but you haven't been 'close' since you left. And secondly, you can't help but notice the tiniest, almost microscopic hint of sarcasm in her words, particularly on the word 'close'. You wonder if Sam picked up on it, and so you turn to face her to see if she did, but what you see gives you pause. Her hands are balled up into fists, and you can practically see the steam coming out of her nostrils as she breathes through them. You know that look. That's her 'I'm gonna start swinging' look.

"It's so nice to meet you too." You say as sweetly as you can while inching over towards Sam, discreetly grabbing her wrist to make sure she doesn't go flying off the handle trying to rearrange this poor woman's face. "Freddie! Why didn't you mention that you were engaged the last time we spoke?" You give him a look that says he's got a lot of explaining to do, and he just kind of shrugs his shoulders and gives you that old boyish grin of his, causing you to scoff. That stopped working years ago.

"Yeah, I uh…" He looks to her and smiles, and for the life of you, it looks like he's forcing it. Maybe it's just his exhaustion. Maybe not. "I wanted to tell you all in person. Sorry."

Sam still hasn't said anything, which is par the course, but she also hasn't tried breaking free of your grip to start causing hell, so you're mildly glad that the personal growth she's experienced has taken hold of her right now. "You've got nothing to apologize for! Congrats on the big news, dude!" You try to sound as excited as possible, and you are excited for him, but it just seems so sudden and you're trying to process all of this while still making sure your best friend doesn't get murder happy.

"Yeah, _congrats Fredwad_". Sam spits the words out with nothing but pure venom in her voice, which Freddie takes in stride thinking it's just Sam being Sam, but you know there's hurt laced in those words. You know how she feels. You try to get her to look at you but she's having none of it. She finally wiggles her wrist out of your hand and storms off upstairs without another word, leaving you to awkwardly hold the bag in front of Freddie and this new chick. Sorry. His **fiancée**.

"Um. I'm gonna go see how she's doing, be right back. Congrats once again!"

You're racing up to the third floor two steps at a time, hoping to find the old studio not in complete disarray, but what you find is something you're glad to be seeing, even under these less-than-ideal circumstances. The door's open and you run in to see Sam sitting on the edge of the bed devouring a fried chicken leg, looking no worse for wear.

"Sam."

She glances up from the ongoing destruction of her before dinner snack, almost looking annoyed that you'd interrupt her while she's eating, before quickly turning her attention back to the task at hand. "Sam!"

This time she doesn't even look up; instead she casually tosses the bare bone into the trash and moves onto tearing apart a thigh. "Samantha Puckett, don't you dare ignore me at a time like this! Freddie's back and he just dropped a whole lot of chiz on our heads and I need to know where _your_ head is at and dang it Sam put the chicken down and pay attention to me!"

Your hands are on the collar of her vest and she's looking at you all weird, as if you magically sprouted a third eyeball or a second head. She remains silent, eyes now looking down at your hands, and you know that if you were anyone else they'd be broken and mangled for touching her in this manner, but you're hoping that this thing you have between you called 'being best friends' is enough for her to have mercy on you.

"So he's got himself a fiancée. Whoopdie doo. Why should I care?"

You stare at her in amazement and wonder how she can be so nonchalant about the fact that Freddie is engaged. Freddie. **Freddie Benson**. The boy you've spent countless nights talking to her about, goodness knows how many hours being her shoulder to lean on, trying to balance telling her she's not crazy for still having feelings for him with trying to not get her hopes up that he could potentially still feel the same way. Your amazement quickly gives way to anger, though, because why is she being so chill about this?

"Don't give me that look, Shay. You've been telling me all along to not get my hopes up about that nerd."

"I've also been telling you that you're not a whack job for still loving him! I _know_ you still love him Sam, don't act like you can just turn those feelings off like some light switch!"

"Well guess what! Those feelings are officially gone, whether you like it or not. Now please me and my chicken alone, I've been away from it for too long."

You don't know what comes over you as you lunge forward and grab the half eaten poultry out of her hands, holding it high above your head and praying to however many deities you have to pray to that she doesn't try to throw you down the elevator shaft. She gives you a look that a disapproving mother would give their child after they flunked their math quiz, eventually standing up to try and retrieve her food. But you're not gonna let her get it back that easily, oh no, not until she quits acting like this matrimonial bomb that Freddie just sort of casually dropped on them isn't bothering her.

"Carly, please just give me my thigh back. I'm not in the mood for your shenanigans."

"Not until you stop acting like some robot! Admit that this is bothering the heck out of you!"

Her face grows a bit darker, her lips are pursed together and you can tell she's having a conversation with herself, probably telling that little demon in her head that you're her best friend and that she can't kill you. "Seriously Carly, can we not do this right now? I'm asking nicely, and you know I don't do anything nicely."

While that much was true, you were determined to get her to open up; Sam would say that you weren't so much determined and focused as you were obsessive and 'Mrs. Benson levels' of crazy when you got like this. She tries reaching for her chicken but you use your long arms to hold it just out of her reach, and you smirk, feeling like you're getting somewhere. That's when you feel yourself getting lifted off your feet and tossed onto the bed, and realize that this plan has gone horribly wrong.

"Give me. My chicken thigh. Back." The words come out slowly and calmly, your eyes meeting hers as she has you pinned down, a bored look on her face that belied the distress in her eyes. You go to say something when you hear the familiar ding of the elevator door opening, and the next thing you know….

"Hey Sam, do you still have that slingsh-oh. Uh. Well. This is a new development."

Both yours and Sam's eyes immediately flicker over to Gibby, whose holding a small bouquet of flowers and clearly at a loss for words with what he's seeing right now. Not that you could blame him. "Aww, are those for me?"

He managed to nod his head, extending his hand out as if you were going to somehow overpower Sam and go racing into his arms to grab them. After a few seconds of standing there with his arm still outstretched, you see Sam roll her eyes, muttering under her breath about how stupid he can be sometimes, which was completely uncalled for. "He is not stupid!" You turn your head to the side to face him and smile warmly at him. "Babe, could you go wait in my room for me? Sam and I are—"

"Nope, I get it, I'll go put these in a vase and wait down there for ya." You giggle at how he says 'vase' and blow him a kiss, one that he catches and puts in his pocket, which only makes you giggle harder, and you can feel Sam's eyes looking at you like you're bananas for liking him. Once Gibby leaves, your eyes look back up at her and your smile fades.

"Sam, why are you acting like this?"

She says nothing, the silence in the room growing thicker with every second passing. "If you give me my chicken back, I'll talk. Okay? Is that fair?"

All you can do at that point is take her word for it, so you nod your head. She releases her hold on your wrists, helping you sit up, but before you can even give the thigh back to her, she's already snatched it out of your hand and is out the door, presumably to lock herself in the bathroom, so quickly you'd swear the Flash ran through the room.

So you sigh and flop back down onto the bed knowing that if you want to get anything out of her, you're going to either have to let her come to you, or you're just going to have to get more creative with prying an answer out of her. Probably the latter. You know how stubborn and complicated she is when it comes to all things Freddie.

"Everything okay? I saw Sam run by your room looking pretty chizzed off about something…wait you didn't tell her that I drank the last of her Peppy Cola in the fridge, did you?"

Lifting your head up to look your boyfriend in the eye, you shake your head and he breathes a sigh of relief, as if he's been granted a stay of execution before he jumps onto the bed to join you. "Penny for your thoughts, Carls?"

You don't even bother with hesitating; you just come right out of the gates. "Did you know that Freddie's engaged?"

His eyes grow a bit wide, and you internally sigh in relief. "No, I had no idea!"

"Well, he is, and—"

"He never mentioned that he was gonna propose to his girlfriend when I spoke to him last! That clever dude!"

You shoot straight up and he does the same, acting as if there's nothing wrong with what he just told you, oblivious to the offended look on your face. "Wait, what!?"

He continues on, either intentionally ignoring how you're ready to scream or just being his usual, blissfully unaware Gibby self. "Yeah, I spoke to him a month or so ago. He called me out of the blue and we talked for like four hours. Mentioned he had a girlfriend named…Alyssa? That sounds right. But yeah, he told me all about her and now that I think about it…"

He makes eye contact with you, his face turning a ghostly shade of white as the word vomit continues. "…he told me not to mention any of this to you…because he wanted to tell you himself…because he knew how you'd react if you found out from someone else…you're gonna yell at me and hit me, aren't you?"

The sound of your open palm against his shoulder reverberates off the walls, and he feebly attempts to defend himself from your onslaught of slaps and flicks to his forehead. After a solid minute or two of hitting him, you find it in yourself to calm down, but only so much. "Why didn't you tell me about this sooner!? Don't you think I deserve to have some kind of heads up about something as big as this!?" Your voice is shrill and you've shifted all of your weight onto your left hip, your hand placed there firmly. Spencer says that's when he knows you're pissed. You're inclined to agree with him in this instance.

All he can do is stutter and look as apologetic as possible, causing you to groan and roll your eyes in frustration. "I could've given Sam a month to prepare for this and get all her feelings in check or completely out of her system! Your job as my boyfriend is to tell me these kinds of things!"

"I'm sorry." His words come out weakly and he legitimately looks like he wants to hurl. As he should.

"Not as sorry as you'll be when you're sleeping on the couch tonight! Downstairs! With Marvin!"

Before he can argue against this, you wave him off, muttering something to yourself about wanting to take a shower after picking Veronica's grandparents up, which you need Sam's help to do, but seeing as she's locked herself in the bathroom, you now have to do this solo. You wonder how this day went sideways so quickly as you walk down the stairs, but any grumblings you have cease once you see Freddie and Alyssa on the couch, acting all cute and adorable and couple-y. It makes you want to hurl because you know you're the same way with Gibby but you're nowhere near as nauseating as watching this girl paw at and fawn over Freddie.

The two of them don't notice you as you walk to the bar to grab your car keys, completely wrapped up in themselves. You go to murmur a goodbye, but you figure they won't hear you so you don't bother. Once you're outside the apartment, you lean up against the front door and sigh.

This was gonna be one incredibly awkward weekend.


	3. use your words

**Here's chapter three. Four will be up soon. Enjoy.**

* * *

_Four years ago_

"So how's Marissa? She still giving you tick baths and stitching your name onto your underwear?"

Freddie shoots you a mildly stern look which quickly gives way to one of acknowledgment, causing you to stifle a laugh as you reach across the table and nab a fry off of his plate. You two have been sitting here for a few hours now, just eating (well, you're mostly eating) and catching up on everything. It had been a few days since he got out of the hospital, so you kept your word and took him out to have some fun. And Mama always kept her word when fun was involved.

"The tick baths stopped a long time ago, Sam, you know this."

You raise an eyebrow and give him a look that says _'Yeah, okay'_, and he relents once more. "Okay, so they stopped a year ago. But the underwear, that'll always happen."

"Ah, good old Marissa. What would you do without her?"

"Not live in constant fear of when she's gonna walk into my room in the middle of the night trying to clean my ears next."

The two of you share a pregnant pause, which leads to him laughing, and a second later you're joining him, and all you can think about right now (besides how insane his mother will always be) is how…nice, this feels. Yeah. It feels nice to be here with him. You then laugh to yourself, because you realize how disgusted thirteen year old you would be with current you right now. Probably questioning how you can stomach being around the 'dork-a-saurus rex' for so long without wanting to puke.

"Have you spoken to Carly at all?" His sudden question hangs in the air, and you feel a melancholy wave cascade over you for a moment; man, you miss her so much it kinda hurts.

"We speak at least once a week, sometimes more if we can get the timing right. She's got so much going on over there in Italy, and I've got the babysitting business, so…yeah." You poke around at what's left of your food with your fork and sigh. "I miss her."

He nods in agreement, and now a somewhat uneasy silence has taken over, neither one of you sure of what to say as you sit there, staring at anything but each other.

"Thanks again for saving me from the tuna, Sam."

Your eyes shoot up from your plate to meet his, and you're almost…touched? You could hear the sincerity in his voice and you definitely saw it in his face as he smiled that dorky smile, and you remember how much you missed seeing that smile too. Thirteen year old you would **definitely** be kicking your butt right now for that silent remark. "Yeah, well." You shrug your shoulders, as if what you did wasn't that big of a deal.

That's when he takes your hand and holds it in his own. Your eyes avert his gaze, your skin begins to feel flushed and when the heck did it get so dang hot in here? He then rubs his thumb along the top of your hand and if you could turn into a puddle of goo and blonde hair, you would be doing that right about now. He's the only boy who's made you feel this way, and you both commend and hate him for it, because you're an overly complicated mess of a girl and you can never just accept anything at face value, especially when it came to your feelings, and doubly especially when it came to Freddie.

"I'm serious."

"I know."

He gives his head a slight shake, a pleading look written along his face as you eventually meet his gaze. Now you two are staring into each other's eyes, trying to figure out one another's next move, ignoring the impatient foot tapping and look the waiter was shooting you for still being here this late. He could wait; this was far more important right now than him wanting close them out so he could leave.

"Do you wish there was anything we could've done different?"

You knit your eyebrows together before raising them, unsure of what point his question was meant to get across. "I mean, I could've ordered the burrito instead of this burger, but—"

"No, Sam, I mean…do you wish we could've handled our relationship differently?

"What, you mean when we were kids?"

He gives you a look that says to stop playing stupid, so naturally that's what you continue to do, feigning ignorance, because you were afraid that this conversation would come up at some point and you're so woefully unprepared for it so you try to delay the inevitable but he's not having any of it.

"A big part of me wishes we hadn't broken up."

Your eyes drift upwards to the ceiling, a heavy sigh escaping your lips as you try to think of the right thing to say to such a loaded statement like that. What do you even say to that? Your first instinct is to deflect it with sarcasm, to insult him for being so mushy and prissy, but you're not exactly that type of girl anymore. You like to think you've grown over the years.

"A big part of me wishes you weren't such a dork, but you know."

Okay so maybe you haven't grown _that_ much over the years.

He chuckles. "I wish we had fought more to make it work."

"Yeah. Me too."

Your skin is on fire right now and you know you're blushing madly to the point of looking like a ripe tomato but he isn't saying anything, at least out loud. You weren't expecting the truth to come out so easily there but you've always had cases of word vomit at the most inopportune times and this is no different.

More awkward silence. The only sound you heard was coming from the frustrated sighs of your waiter, and you swear on a case of Peppy Cola if you hear him mutter one more word under his breath you're gonna break both of his arms.

"Are you just saying that to shut me up or…?"

Shaking your head, you can't help but reach across the table and flick his forehead. Even now, he was still hopelessly stupid when it came to matters of the heart. "No, Fredlumps, I'm not. I mean it."

"Then why didn't you?"

You immediately shoot him an indignant look. _What?_ Where does he get off making such a statement?

"Why didn't you?" You spit the words right back at him, backing him off as he raises his hands in defense. A sigh then escapes your lips as you're now the one reaching across the table, not to flick him or cause him bodily harm, but to grab his other hand and hold it in your own. His skin is just as hot as yours. Of course it is.

"We both should have tried, Fredhead. How were we supposed to know when we broke up then that the rest of the boys and girls we'd encounter afterwards would be suckish and hold no appeal to us?"

The tension that was threatening to envelope you both was cut in half and now you're both laughing again. He's the first to speak after said laughter subsides. "Maybe we should try again then."

Your eyebrows shoot up and your lips form an 'o' shape, you're clicking your tongue and your skin is so hot it could set an army of ants walking on the sidewalk ablaze. "Don't threaten Mama with a good time like that, Bensonhead." You're not even sure how those words came out right now but they did and he's smirking that smirk of his and you feel like the damn Human Torch right now. You commend and hate him for this. Thirteen year old you would be vomiting buckets right now if she saw you.

"Come back to Seattle, Sam. You belong there. Everyone misses you."

"No, I used to belong there. Now I belong here, with Cat, Dice, Goomer and Nona. With my babysitting business. I can't go back permanently, not now. You know that saying, right? Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

He sighs in frustration, knowing he's not going to be able to change your mind or make you budge on this.

"My graduation party is in a few months. Will you at least come back for that?"

You can't resist the urge to crack a joke. "How did Ridgeway let you graduate and what college is letting you in through their doors?"

"Sam…"

"When is it?"

"May 31st, the last Saturday of the month."

Thinking and planning ahead was never one of your strong suits, but you also figure that if you forget about it (which you know you will in about a week), he's gonna keep pestering you until the day of.

"Okay. I'll be there."

The way his eyes instantly light up makes you smile like an idiot as he does a little fist pump and whoops it up. "Will there be quality meats? Asking for a friend."

"I'll make sure that there's all the ham and ribs and bacon you can eat. You have my word."

"Then I look forward to your graduation party, Freddifer."

"And I look forward to seeing you there, Sam. So we can talk. About everything."

* * *

_Present day_

Look at him. Look at her. Look at the two of them. Seeing them act all cute and gross and mushy and disgusting is making you lose your appetite. You just wanna reach over and stab him with a fork in his other shoulder, or throw your spoon at the little tart he calls his fiancée's face. You wish you weren't seating directly across from them or even sitting at the same table as them but Carly insisted, and you did bail on helping her with Veronica's grandparents, so you relented. But boy did you make a stink about it the entire ride here.

"Sam, could you pass the calamari please?"

The sudden urge to take the plate and break it over this Alyssa chick's skull is overwhelming right now. So what if she gets a concussion and maybe bleeds a little? It's not like you'd hit her hard enough to kill her or something. And it's not like anyone other than Fredpuss would miss her, right? Right?

"If you think of harming that girl right now you're paying for your own smoothies from now on."

You shoot Carly a dirty look for being inside of your head like this again, but ultimately you roll your eyes and mumble under your breath. Forcing the tightest smile you've ever smiled, you pass the plate over to this chick while simultaneously screaming like a banshee on the inside. Carly can tell this is killing you but it's not like you two can just talk about this in the middle of the big 'iCarly gang reunion dinner extravaganza of food' as Spencer so eloquently put it on the car ride over.

"Hey, babe, can you grab the water pitcher for me please?"

"When I'm finished eating my food okay? God, be patient."

Whaaaaa? **That** caught your attention. You look up to catch what you assume is the end of a little tiff between the two of them. The little jerk rolls her eyes at him while he sighs in frustration. Where in the name of gravy is this coming from? And why is nobody else seeing what you're seeing?

"Look everyone, I got more than two shrimp up my nose!"

"_Spencer…_"

Oh, that's why.

"That is pretty funny, don't you think?"

"I mean, if you find that brand of idiocy funny, then I suppose it is."

Did she just call Spencer an idiot? I think she just called him an idiot.

"How do you not think that's even the tiniest bit hilarious?"

"Because, Freddie, it's childish and frankly, stupid and immature. And if you find that funny, then I don't know what to tell you."

Seriously, where the hell is this coming from? Not one hour ago you were watching the two of them giving each other gaga eyes and making kissy faces to the point where you thought you were gonna regurgitate that meatball sandwich you had for lunch. _Last Wednesday_. And now she's being a total bit—

"Sam, look at this! I told you I could get three jumbo shrimp up my nose!"

Your attention briefly turns to Spencer and whatever feelings of murderous rage you have for Alyssa and her suddenly piss poor attitude are gone when you see how ridiculous he looks. You almost feel bad for the fact that Veronica is hitching her wagon to his for the rest of her life, but hey, she could've said no. And then ran as fast as she could have in the other direction. Screaming.

"Bet you can't get four up there."

"Sam!" Both Veronica and Carly's eyes are on you, questioning why the hell you would dare Spencer to do such a thing, but before they can plead with him not to do it, he's already reaching for the shrimp cocktail bowl. Gibby and V's grandparents are finding this hilarious. Now what were you doing?

"How many times have I told you to put that damn phone away when we're eating?"

Oh, yeah, that.

You do your best to make it look like you're not gawking at the two of them, but really, how discreet can you be when you're sitting right in front of them? And plus, discreet is something you're definitely not and have never been, so why bother trying now?

"It's my boss, Aly. I can't ignore him even if I'm on vacation, okay?"

"Don't call me that, you know I hate being called Aly."

"Since when?"

You'd be busting out laughing right now if this didn't completely come out of left field. You keep your eyes on Spencer's silliness at the head of the table but your ears trained to whatever it is Fredbag and his blonde headed dishrag of a fiancée are arguing about. But that's the thing. There's silence now. Which is then followed by hushed tones and sudden laughter. Whaaaaaaaa?

They're laughing at some stupid tech joke he made. Your eyes grow wide, head turning away before you can see them kiss, because that would literally make you either puke or leave. Probably puke as you left. Or make you puke on them. Yeah, that would be worth laughing over.

Your eyes look up from the plate of meatballs in front of you to see them smiling at one another. Were you just imagining that entire argument? You had to have been. They're acting like nothing's wrong, like she wasn't just bitching him out over a stupid nickname. Your eyes rapidly blink, as if doing that's gonna change what you're looking at in front of you. Maybe you really are seeing things. Wouldn't be the first time. Definitely won't be the last. Whatever.

A heavy, frustrated sigh escapes your lips as you begin scrolling thru your phone, looking for something, anything, to occupy your wandering mind and to keep you from having to listen to the two disgusting lovebirds talk about how adorable the other one is. Perusing thru Splashface yields uninteresting results; mainly because every other post was Nona posting all sorts of pictures of her and Cat's trip to Buffalo (poor Cat looked so cold and miserable in every single picture). After scrolling thru what felt like hundreds of pictures of boring ass Buffalo, you see a picture that Freddie posted of him inside of King County International with the hashtag 'Just landed'. And now you're thinking about your last conversation.

How could he justify doing what he did? Whether you like admitting it or not, it still pisses you off that he basically ghosted you five years ago. You've known him since you were both seven. You have all the history in the world together, and apparently it meant nothing to him. Hell, he's pretty much been acting like you don't even exist ever since he arrived. Not a single word to you. You begin to feel your hand ball up into a fist. You'd like nothing more than to jackslap the living fudge out of him right now, if only for the simple reason that he couldn't even bother to say hi to you when he got here, and that's without going into the multitude of other reasons you want to cause harm to him.

You wonder how he can just show up unannounced after not speaking to you for five years and you wonder how you can still harbor any feelings for him.

Then he looks over at you and smiles, and you feel like you did the first time you ever had bacon flavored ice cream.

That's when you realize that those feelings never truly went away.

Before you even realize it, you're outside Tetrazzini's, waiting for Spencer to pull up with the car. You scan the area and find that Freddie's to your left, waiting on his dear sweet Alyssa. You can literally feel the awkward in the air as you glance over at him and accidentally make eye contact. _Shit_. Another quick glance shows that he's focusing on you, like he's trying to think of something to say and thinking way too hard about it, as he is wont to do. So you do what you do best.

"Take a picture, Frednerd, it'll last longer."

He stares at you like a deer caught in the headlights, and you chuckle to yourself; you've still got it.

"Hi, Sam."

You throw your arms up in the air all dramatic like, eyes rolling so hard they could've rolled into the back of your head, and you heave a massive sigh in his direction. "Oh, _now_ the boy acknowledges me."

If this were the old days, he would be rolling his eyes at your melodramatic ass before carrying on with the conversation. But right now? Well, judging by how red his face is and how he's murmuring something under his breath, you figure he still doesn't know what to say or how to react. You walk the three feet over to him so you can punch him in the shoulder (as opposed to a fist to the jaw, which he so richly deserves right now). But before you can connect, he's got you wrapped up in a tight, albeit way too quick hug. Now you're the one who's almost at a loss for words.

"I'm sorry I didn't say hi to you earlier. That was rude of me."

"Damn right you should apologize to Mama. What, did you think I'd let something like that slide?"

He looks down at his feet and nervously begins kicking around a little pebble. You snap your fingers, which makes him look right back up at you. Now you're just staring at each other, and you're waiting for him to say something, anything. But he's just staring at you. Normally you'd find this sort of behavior creepy, but now it's…no, yep, it's still creepy. This time you actually do punch him in the shoulder (not hard enough to dislocate it, though) and he immediately screams out his displeasure with your violent tendencies.

"What the hell, Sam!? Why'd you go and do that for!?"

"Because you were staring at me like the dorky weirdo you've been since birth. Use your words, Benson, girls usually find you to be somewhat attractive when you're not breathing all gross and heavy near them."

"I'm sorry if I was thinking of how to adequately describe how sorry I was for being a jerk earlier! You didn't need to wreck my shoulder like that!"

"Benson, if I wanted to wreck your shoulder, I would've."

The two of you are falling back into your old routine of trading barbs back and forth and you're surprisingly okay with it, because at least it's _something_. And something is better than coming in guns blazing and going for his jugular right from the get-go. Granted, you still want answers, and you'll get them, but you find it better to let him think that you've moved on and forgotten about what happened five years ago, lulling him into a sense of some security. _That's _when you'll blindside him. You're imagining the look on his face when you unleash five years of pent up frustration on him, and it makes you laugh.

"What's so funny, Sam?"

You don't hesitate with your response. "The fact that your fiancée let you dress up like that."

"She happens to like how I dress."

"That's one thing she's got in common with your loon of a mother."

"Why must you still rag on my mother?"

"When you live across the hall from her and you're still subjected to her craziness, it's hard not to rag on her."

That gives him pause. Huh. He didn't know. "Wait…_que?_ Did you say you live across the hall from my mom?

"Did I stutter? Or do you need to get your hearing checked?"

"…..when did you start living with Carly and Spencer?"

"When she came back from Italy. So three years ago. Give or take."

"Why'd you leave California? I thought you and your friend Cat had a rockin' babysitting business?"

"We did, and we made a lot of money from babysitting. But you can only do something for so long without wanting to try new things. Spencer reached out to me saying Carly was coming home right as Cat graduated from Hollywood Arts. So we decided it was best to move onto the next phase of our lives."

"How is she?"

"Kitty Cat's doing great. She's trying her hand at acting and singing right now and I couldn't be happier for her. She's actually gonna be landing here tomorrow."

"She's coming to the wedding?" He suddenly had a jittery look on his face that you find so amusing. What's he got to be so concerned about?

"Her and Dice are my plus one's, plus Spence invited the rest of her friends from school. Why so jumpy? Afraid that your lady is gonna find out you flirted with her for like five minutes?"

A nervous laugh comes from his lips and it makes you shake your head. Of course, as if on cue, that's when a case of your word vomit reappears. _Of course._

"Where have you been the last five years?"

"Sam…"

"No, seriously? Why didn't you reach out to any of us? If it weren't for Marissa giving us small updates on you here and there, I would've thought you fell off the face of the earth. Carly was really upset." You find that to be a good cover; you don't want to play all your cards just yet, and it's believable enough.

But before he can say much of anything, the sound of a car horn being honked four times annoyingly fills the air, making you whip your head to find the source of the disturbance. So help you, you'll kick Spencer so hard in the shin when you find him and—

**"FREDDIE! GET IN THE CAR!"**

Oh. It's her. You should've known.

He doesn't say or do much other than offer up a weak sauce wave goodbye, slowly dragging his feet to the rental car with that blonde headed witch (the irony of you calling someone else that isn't lost on you) inside. You can see her scolding him the second he enters the car before she speeds off back to Bushwell. Two seconds later, Spencer pulls up and you quietly crawl into the backseat, Carly giving you a sympathetic look as she gives your hand a gentle squeeze, silently telling you that she understands. You shrug your shoulders and spend the rest of the car ride staring quietly out the window. Upon arriving back to the apartment, you say goodnight to everyone and make your way upstairs, flopping face first onto your bed. You try to fall asleep rather quickly, but you know yourself better than anyone, and that's not happening for a few more hours. So you grab your remote and make the old monitor swing out, and begin flicking thru the channels. Finally you settle on some channel filled with awful late night ads about a magic kumquat slicer and two and a half minute calves, silly stuff of that variety.

After an hour of one bad infomercial after another, you finally feel your eyes growing heavy, so you dim the lights and prepare yourself for another fitful night of sleep. That's when your phone buzzes. And buzzes. And buzzes. Groaning, you reach over and grab it, fully prepared to shut it off, when you see who it is that's texting you. More importantly, what he's texting you.

**i'm downstairs in the lobby. meet me down here? so we can talk?**

_we're not talking in the lobby._

**please sam? for me?**

_that only works when carls says it 2 u_

**ughhhh whatever. forget it**

_hold your horses ya priss, i'll be rite down._

You literally jump out of bed and haphazardly throw a hoodie and some pants on, before smashing the button to the elevator. A few minutes later the door raises and there he is, waiting for you patiently by Lewbert's desk. Of course the old dishrag is out cold on the counter. Of course, you can't let such a golden opportunity pass you by without doing something. So you take the glass of water to his left and stick one of his outstretched hands into it.

"What's that gonna do?"

"Make him pee his pants."

Before Freddie can protest or question your antics further, you forcefully grab him by the hand and begin dragging him out the door and onto the street, hooking a hard right towards Bell Harbor. You arrive with little in the way of conversation between the two of you, but that's about to change quickly.

"You wanted to talk, Freddie. So talk."

"What do you want to know?"

You resist the urge to ask him about what happened five years, biting back those words. The time for answers to those questions will come soon. So you answer the question as honestly as you can.

"Tell me everything."

So he does. He works for the Pear Corporation as their top software engineer, though he wouldn't tell you who exactly his boss is, but whatever. He's traveling all the time because of it, which partly explains the whole no talking to anyone for the last five years thing (but doesn't completely excuse it). He even tells you how he came to meet Alyssa (even though you don't remember asking him to tell you about that, but _whatever_) when she started interning for Pear. He kept on and on about all anything he could think of, and you sat there, listening, being as good a friend as you could be. You should've just left well alone and let him talk about whatever he wanted to talk about.

Your word vomit said otherwise.

"So why was Alyssa acting like such a dipthong towards you at dinner?"

He freezes, his body instantly tensing up, looking like a deer in the headlights again. He begins doing that thing when he gets nervous about something, where he rubs and scratches the back of his neck. It's his tell that he's as uncomfortable as he can possibly be. "You saw that?"

"Yeah, and it was kinda weird. What up with that? Does she treat you like that all the time?"

His head begins to vigorously shake, his body language vehemently denying it, but his eyes told a different story. They were telling you the truth. "We had a long flight, Sam, we dealt with a bunch of delays and she was just a little cranky is all."

You arch an eyebrow and give him the most thoroughly unimpressed look you think you've ever given anyone in existence. How does he expect _you_ of all people to believe such a blatant lie like that? It amazes you that even now, all these years later, you can still see right through him when he lies. You want to call him on his bullshit, but you bite your tongue to the point where you're pretty sure it might be bleeding a little bit. So you decide to attack this from a different angle.

"Is everything okay back wherever it is that you're living now? This is me being serious. Do you have to go traveling so much? Is that maybe why she snapped at you?"

"Sam…"

"What, I'm not allowed to ask questions anymore?"

"There's nothing for me to talk about in regards to that."

"Five minutes ago you were gushing about how awesome this chick is, but now when I question her nubbish behavior at dinner, that's it, you're done talking?"

You blink and he's suddenly closed the distance, hands on your shoulders, giving you a pleading look to let it go. For a split second you thought he was gonna kiss you, but this isn't eight years ago. He looks at you like he's about to cry or get on his knees and beg you for something. Maybe both. You never know with him.

"Sam…I'm saying this to you as your friend of many years and someone who knows how you are…don't waste your time paying any attention to my life or my relationship with Alyssa. Okay? I'm fine. Alyssa and I are in a great place. There's nothing you need to worry about. I promise."

Well, what are you supposed to say to that? He obviously believes his own chiz, and there's not much you can do about that. You silently nod, and that's how the two of you make your walk back to Bushwell; in complete silence. When the two of you get back, he gives you a quick hug and waves goodbye again, departing up the stairs while you wait for the elevator. You look over and see that Lewbert has, indeed, peed his pants. That's the only thing that's made you genuinely smile today.

Upon arriving back in the apartment, you make your way up the stairs and stop at Carly's room; the light peeking out from under her door tells you she's awake. Good. She needs to hear this.

You push the door open and, sure enough, see her sitting on the edge of her bed, as if she had been expecting you all along. She smiles at you, and you return it with one of your own. "Is everything okay, Sam?"

"I just got back from talking with Freddie down by the harbor."

Her eyes widen a bit and her attention is completely and fully on you now. "Oh? How did that go?"

You don't hesitate with what you say next.

"I think there's something up with Alyssa that he's not telling me. So I'm gonna crack that boy open like an egg this weekend and find out what it is he's hiding. By any means necessary."


	4. peachy

"Sam."

"Yeah, Carls?"

"If we're gonna do this, I need you to not physically harm Freddie."

"I never said I was gonna hurt him."

"Then why'd you pull the hammer out of the wall?"

"For dramatic effect."

"Please put it down, you know how I am with those things."

"That happened like twelve years ago dude, you need to get over it already."

"I nearly died!"

"Yeah, _nearly_."

Carly rolled her eyes and I couldn't help but stifle a laugh as she stalked over to the very same hole in the wall that was it was embedded in for all these years. She then began to gesticulate wildly at it, like I wasn't there when it happened and wasn't there for the drama that followed with her lame ass grandpa wanting to take her to lame ass Yakima. Come to think of it, I'm somewhat shocked that it hadn't been removed from the wall before now. I thought for sure Spencer would've taken it out after she moved to Italy. But then again, when I moved in here, everything was almost exactly the same way we left it. Everything was untouched. Even that doofus' tech cart. So there's that.

"I almost went the way of those poor kids in all those Destination: Death movies!"

"Ooh, we should sit down and watch those all in order and—"

"Sam! Focus! We're talking about getting answers out of Freddie! Not ranking how gruesome someone's death is on a scale of one to ten!"

"Can we actually do that though? Because that sounds like it'd be a lot of fun."

She flicks my forehead and I wince, her hands gripping my shoulders tightly (well, tightly for her), all but forcing me to stare at her as she began to plead her case for making sure I didn't want to cause physical harm to Frednerd and his nubbish fiancée. Which, honestly, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it from the moment I saw the two of them sucking face on the couch downstairs earlier. Just cause I told her I wasn't gonna maim him doesn't mean I was telling the truth.

"We have to go about this in a way that doesn't make him suspicious, you know? We have to attack this from a lot of different angles."

"Um, to sound perfectly rude, but what's this _'we' _business? This is _my_ business, Shay, and I know how_ I'm_ gonna handle it."

She gives me the blankest stare she's ever given me, the same look I used to proudly wear during math class or biology with Mr. Henning. Her eyebrow quirks up ever so slightly and her lower lip twitches before she speaks again. "Sam, you can't hogtie and kidnap Alyssa. What have I been telling you for years about kidnapping?"

"That it's illegal and rude."

"Good girl", she says happily as she pats my head, before quickly shushing me as I go to shoot back with a smart ass response. "I don't care if you think she deserves it! Listen to me on this, okay? You can't go about this like you normally would. This time is different; it's more delicate this time around. You have to approach this like you would a hostage situation almost."

It's my turn to raise an eyebrow as my face twists into a look of confusion. "When did this become a crisis negotiation? Freddie's engaged to a complete skank, it's not like she held him at gunpoint and forced him to go out with her."

"You don't know that, Sam."

"Okay, when did you and I switch personalities? Have you been watching true crime documentaries on Webflix again? Is that why you've been staying up so late the last few nights?"

"No!", she stammered before quickly adding, "Well I mean, I did watch that one you told me about, the one with the missing circus performer? That was weird…but _no!_ I've been staying up talking to Gibby because he works overnights at the vet's office, if you must know!"

"I _still_ can't believe they let him—"

"Stop changing the subject, Sam!", she shrieked right into my face, the ringing in my ears already commencing. Thanks for that, Carls. "Whether you want to admit it or not, you're gonna need my help on this, so please don't get all indignant and offended and just let me help you out with this, okay? Please? Can you do that?"

Now it's my turn to give her a blank stare, only blinking my eyes when I needed to. We stood there in complete silence for a good minute and a half before I began to laugh, which no doubt woke everyone in the apartment up and caused her to jump back before becoming highly irritated. I could tell that she was pissed because her cheeks turned that shade of red she always wears for her lipstick whenever she has a date night.

"I'm being serious Sam! You can't just go in there like you're some action hero trying to bust up the bad guys hideout. You need to be careful and delicate with this."

A yawn begins to play at my lips and that wave of exhaustion from earlier in the night is coming back twice as hard this time. Instinctively I began to stretch my limbs, my eyes becoming heavier with every passing second. I could feel sleep coming quickly. Anything in regards to that nub Fredbag could wait until the morning. All I wanted to do right now was dream of bacon wrapped shrimp and meat juice and ham flavored gum…

"EARTH TO SAM!"

My sweet dreams are gone before I can even start dreaming due to Carly's shrill as all hell voice yelling at me to stay awake. The banging of the floor beneath out feet means Spencer's probably awake and poking at his ceiling with a stick, not so subtly telling us to clam up and go to sleep. _'I'm trying to but your batshit crazy sister is keeping me from it'_, I think to myself, earning me another scowl from her as she moves over to her desk chair.

"I am not crazy, I just want to help you as much as I can, because that's what best friends do for each other", she said swiftly as she sat down in her chair and swiveled around, coming to a full stop so she could face me. "Especially when said best friend still has feelings for a certain brown haired boy across the hall."

My eyes could've fallen out of my head I rolled them so hard as I flopped down onto her bed and stared at the ceiling, still very much wanting to shelve this conversation till the morning so I could get some chizzin' sleep. Even if it's just a nap at this point, I don't care, I just want to be able to close my eyes for a while and turn my brain off. The last twenty four hours have been too crazy even for my liking and I just wanna be able to compartmentalize everything and go from there. But some people don't want that, I think as my eyes lock with Carly's. She's giving me an expectant look, like she's waiting for me to say something. "How many times do I have to tell you to get out of my head, Shay? You've been watching too many of those Z-Girl movies. It's starting to freak me out."

It's her turn to roll her eyes again as she scoots towards me in her little orange chair, stopping at the edge of the bed. She reaches out and takes my hand in her own, gripping it as tightly as her little Carly hands could, a sigh leaving her lips before she spoke. "I just want to help, Sam. Let me help. I really think that if we do this together, we can get the desired result, because I want to know what's up with this whole engagement of his too. And more importantly, your happiness is what matters most to me. So what do you say?"

Sitting up, I feel the tiniest of grins dance across my lips as I reach across with my other hand and place it on top of hers. Reasons and moments like this are why I'm forever grateful for the fact that she's my best friend. "You're not gonna take no for an answer, are ya?"

She returns my grin with one of her own. "Not a chance, Puckett."

"Any chance I can maybe get you to take it a little easy with this?"

She scoffs. "You knew what you were getting yourself into when we became best friends, there's no stopping me once I get going."

Tiredly, I smile and shake my head as I flop back down onto her bed and very nearly pass out right there. "Then I will allow you to help me with this. Now can we please get some sleep? It's almost 3:30 in the morning and Mama doesn't wanna miss breakfast."

"That reminds me, do we have anything planned tomorrow morning? I feel like we're supposed to be doing something and you're already asleep aren't you."

"Eeeehhhhhh", is all I managed to get out as I turned over onto my side, already halfway to dream land and all the meatballs I could eat. If we did have something to do in the morning, it was escaping me as I got settled and was out cold within moments. Ahh, ham sandwiches and potato salad, how I missed you…

* * *

**"AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

My eyes snap wide open as I sit straight up in bed, surveying Carly's room for the source of whatever the hell that noise was. It sounded too real to be part of a dream. Or maybe it was a dream? I glanced over at the clock on her nightstand and groaned loudly enough to stir Carls awake. 8:35 stared right back at me, almost taunting me for being this early right now. Rolling my eyes, I laid back down and whispered to Carly that it was nothing and to go back to sleep.

**"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"**

"Alright what the heck is going on!?", I heard Carly say as she was now completely awake, her voice sounding dazed and confused as another scream echoed throughout the room. "Did you leave the horror movie network on again Sam!? I swear—"

"That's not the TV woman, it's coming from downstairs", I manage to yawn out as I hastily stretch my limbs and swing my legs around to the edge of the bed. And then, almost on cue, that familiar, irritating beeping sound began to fill the air. We looked at each other from our sides of the bed and realized that could mean only one thing.

"How on earth did you set the fire extinguisher on fire!?", yelled Veronica over the beeping of the fire alarm, hands folded on top of her head as she watched Spencer attempt to douse the flames with one measly cup of water. If I wasn't so damn tired, I'd be laughing hysterically at this whole situation. Because of course Spencer had managed to set something on fire. I'm half surprised that he didn't ask for his tuxedo and V's dress to be made flame retardant in the off chance he breathed incorrectly and set the whole ceremony on fire.

"I didn't—I barely—I just saw it on the ground and—I don't—**CARLAAAAAAYYYYYY!**", he finally managed to scream out, and right on time she came sprinting out with their spare fire extinguisher that she hid in the hallway leading to his bedroom. A few short seconds later, and the crisis was averted. Me being me, that was when I decided to burst out into a fit of laughter, doubling over and clutching my stomach while Carls and V just stared at Spence exasperatedly.

"How?", was all V asked as she tapped her foot impatiently on the floor while Carls put the spare extinguisher back and muttered something about how she was surprised the entire place didn't burn down while she was gone.

"I don't…Veronica, I swear it just—"

_"Save it"_, she spat out, the irritation clear as day in her voice as she rubbed her temples, no doubt wondering how she was gonna make it through this marriage without suffering third degree burns at some point. "I'm just glad nothing else was set on fire and nothing was damaged."

"**I** could've been burned and damaged!"

The look V gave Spence shut him right up and made him look away from her, down at his feet. "I'm sorry miss, I'll go back to bed now", he murmured as he quietly shuffled past us back down the hall to his room, shutting the door softly behind him. Naturally, now was the time for me to make a smart ass remark.

"And to think, you're gonna be dealing with that for the rest of your life."

She whipped her head around to face me, the same look she just gave Spencer now fixed upon me. "Don't you have to go eat everything in our fridge without offering to replace any of it, Sam?"

"Woah", I quipped back as I raised my hands in faux surrender, taking a step back towards the kitchen. "I feel attacked", I added. Just because I felt attacked by her words didn't mean they weren't true. "In fact, I feel so attacked that I'm gonna grab some ham to take back upstairs with me as I fall back asleep!"

V heaved an exhausted sigh and shook her head as I got to the counter. "Just don't eat too much, okay? The three of us are supposed to be grabbing breakfast later, remember?"

Almost simultaneously, lightbulbs went off in both mine and Carly's brains and we both shared a look with one another across the room that said, _'That's what we have to do this morning!'_. How the hell did we forget? We made those plans weeks ago. God I feel so stupid for forgetting, and I'm sure Carls feels the same way.

"You two forgot, didn't you", V stated more than asked as she put the previously ablaze fire extinguisher back on it's proper hooks. "It's okay if you did, we can go sometime next week, it's really no big deal."

"Noooo!", Carly said as she re-entered the picture, waving her arms like some air traffic controller. "We didn't forget! We just, uh, we just don't know what we're gonna wear is all! Isn't that right, Sam?", she asked, her eyes giving me the most pleading look she's given me in some time.

"I mean, I know what _I'm_ gonna wear", I said slyly, a devilish grin on my lips as Carly's eyes widen and narrow in a matter of nanoseconds. "I know you said you needed to figure out your outfit though, so…"

If looks could kill, Carly's would've shot me dead right there on the spot. I shrug my shoulders and do my best to bite back my laughter as she stammers out an explanation to V about how she needs the perfect breakfast outfit. Quickly enough though, I was beginning to lose interest in their conversation and began to focus on making myself a ham sandwich when I overheard V mention something about another person joining us.

"Wait, who did you say you invited?"

_Please say Spencer, please say Spencer, please say Spencer..._

"Oh, I asked Alyssa if she was interested in joining us, I figured it'd be nice for us to help make her feel as comfortable as possible this weekend while she's here. Plus I'd love to get to know more about her. I hope that's okay with you two?"

The words _'Hell fudging no'_ didn't even have a chance to escape my lips before I felt Carly scramble toward me, grabbing me by the wrist as she began to drag me in the direction of the stairs, stopping only to ask what time we were leaving. When V told her ten, she squealed excitedly and told her she couldn't wait, and then proceeded to lug me upstairs and into her room. "You know what this means right!?", she asked as we bounded up the stairs two at a time to her room.

I manage to wriggle my arm loose from her grip and readjust myself right as she slams the door shut behind her. "It means I have to stare at that skunkbag's ugly face for two hours? Yay, what a wonderful way to start my Friday."

Carly rolled her eyes and flicked my nose, startling the chiz out of me before she grabs me by both my wrists, the look on her face ranging from excited to terrifying, there was no real in-between with her when it came to things like this. "Do you not remember the conversation we had last night before you passed out?"

Oh, how could I ever forget? I lazily blink my eyes and give my head a slight shake. Of course I remember, it happened like four hours ago. "No, I don't", I deadpan, the slightest hint of a shit-eating grin dancing along my lips. "What exactly was the topic of conversation last night?"

I can see how much she wants to yell at me right now but she swallows that urge and takes a deep breath. "If we have breakfast with Alyssa, we can find out all sorts of stuff about her and Freddie and their relationship! Isn't that what you want to know!? Or were you just yanking my chain last night, because so help me God, Sam, if—"

My hand is over her mouth and she quiets instantly. "I remember, and yes, it is what I want. Now you will do one thing for me before I change my mind and decide to not even bother with breakfast this morning, okay?" She nods her head excitedly, eyes lighting up like it was Christmas. "You will be as calm as you can be about this. If I even sense the slightest hint of you getting all whipped up like you do, then I will leave and I'll do this my own way. Can you do that for me, Carlotta?"

She nods her head as I remove my hand from her mouth. What she said next, however, made me burst out laughing so hard that I'm fairly certain you could've heard me all the way down in the lobby. I'm pretty sure Lewbert screamed at me to shut up.

"No promises."

* * *

"So Alyssa, where are you from?"

I glared at Carly from across our booth as she asked a follow up to her first question. The second we walked into this new place called Pancake Palace, I knew that she was gonna ask for a booth and I knew she was gonna have me sit next to this dishrag. I knew it was coming and yet I didn't even put up a fight. I mean, how could I? Once Carly set her mind on something, good luck trying to stop her. I can't tell you how many times she's steamrolled over me just to get her way. Ugh.

"I was born and raised in Oxnard! Mommy and Daddy still live there so I try to visit them as much as I can. I just love it so much there! Have any of you visited Oxnard?"

V and Carls shake their heads in response, but I shrug my shoulders. She would call her parents _'Mommy'_ and _'Daddy'_. "I was there once, with my friend Cat."

"Oh? What'd you think of it?", she asks, clearly surprised that out of the three of us at the table with her, it was me who went and not Carls or V. She _would_ be surprised at that, the jerk.

"They have amazing strawberries", I answer truthfully, leaving it at that. V shrugs her shoulders and smiles that sunshine-y smile of hers while Carly eyes me weirdly with a look that says we're gonna talk about this later. I don't care enough to look at Alyssa to see what she thinks. I just want my food. Why is it taking so long? It's only been five minutes since we ordered! Mama needs her breakfast now. Plus I needed a refill on orange juice yesterday. Ughh. This is what I get for going along with this tart's suggestion to come here for breakfast.

"Where do you live now?"

"Oh, Freddie and I live in this beautiful little condo in Redwood City. It's right by the marina and the view from the roof of our building is so beautiful!"

I let slip a groan before locking eyes with Carly. My face feigns indifference but my eyes are telling a different story, and she's immediately whipping her phone out from her purse, frantically tapping the screen. My phone buzzes in my pocket. Of course.

**Voice your displeasure more, why don't you.**

_r we rly doin this now?_

**Try to be more subtle, is all I'm saying.**

_i'll get rite on that_

**:|**

"How do you like Seattle so far?"

"I love it! Freddie said that once the wedding's over, he's gonna show me around and give me the lay of the whole land. But from what I've seen it's gorgeous! I can see why you all have lived here as long as you have."

Holy chiz. This chick is fake. As. **Fuck.** Carly and Veronica might be too sweet and too nice (and too damn naïve) to see that she's full of it, but luckily for me my bullshit meter still works just fine, and it's ringing off the charts with every word that leaves her lips. It's taking every ounce of self-control I have (which admittedly isn't very much) to not lash out at her. Or smash her head against the table. Whatever's easier.

The questions just kept coming and coming and every answer she gave made me want to gouge my eyes out with a fork or throw myself through the window. Her voice reminds me of Melanie's and maybe that's why I want to backhand the living crap out of her so badly. _'Look at me, I'm little Miss Perfect! I live such a charmed life that my Mommy and Daddy pay for and I get to take my sad sack of a fiancé around! Look at me!'_

Kill me.

"Oh! I wanted to ask, how are things with Freddie?", Carly asked coolly, and it was at that point that I officially tuned out and began to play Zombies vs Teenage Girls on my phone. Three guesses as to which side I picked. "Tell us everything!"

"Oh, there's nothing really to report on that end. Everything's….", she hesitates, and that's when I just as quickly check back into this conversation, my eyes carefully glancing in her direction. "Peachy."

Now it's my turn to frantically text Carly from across the table.

_i have so many questions rite now_

**That makes two of us!**

_like who the f still says peachy?_

**Really? That's what you're taking away from this?**

_i'm just sayin! she sounds like an old lady!_

**Sam!**

_okay okay fine. i 2 am curious as to y she's shutting up now_

**Right!? She'll talk about everything else but the second Freddie is brought up…**

_all of a sudden cat's got her tongue. go figure. ugh. o that reminds me_

**What?**

_cats flight lands 2day, remind me to call her a ryde to pick her n' dice n' gooms up_

It was at that point that I caught V looking over Carly's shoulder at her phone. Instead of doing the mature thing and discreetly telling her to keep her wandering eyes to herself…I kicked her shin under the table and caused her to scream out in pain. Her now angry eyes find mine and I shrug. I like the girl, but serves her right for trying to be nosy.

Finally after like forty seven minutes (Carly said it was actually fifteen but whatever) of waiting, our food finally arrived, and within five minutes I had devoured my entire plate of bacon and pancakes. Carly and V saw my empty plate and merely shrugged as they continued to eat their breakfast. Alyssa, however, seemed to be mortified at my eating habits. I know so because I could hear her mutter under her breath about how I don't seem to have proper table manners or whatever. So I did what I do best.

I plucked a biscuit off of Carly's plate, popped it into my mouth, chewed it a little, and then turned to face Alyssa.

"Can you pass the butter?", I asked her, making a point to push some of said biscuit to the front of my mouth with my tongue. The repulsed look on her face made me smile on the inside. She went to hand it to me but then I turned back to face Carls. "Never mind, I don't need it anymore." It was Veronica's turn to kick me under the table (I use the word_ 'kick'_ very loosely) and I grin. It was worth it.

Another twenty minutes went by before everyone finally finished their food (I had ordered and subsequently devoured two more plates of pancakes by then; I don't like Alyssa but I gotta give the chick some credit for suggesting this place), and not long after that, the check came. I immediately pushed it towards Carls and V.

"I shouldn't expect you to chip in a little bit, should I?", V asks haughtily as she reaches for her purse.

"And deny you the privilege of paying for me again? I could never take that away from you", I respond back with a cackle, earning a heavy eye roll from Carly as she reaches for the check.

Except Alyssa had already nabbed it and slid what looked like a huge hunk of plastic into the little credit card holder thing, quickly passing the checkbook off to our waitress against Carly's protestations. "Don't worry about it, I got it!"

"I didn't know you had a North American Fast card", I say as casually as I can, because I'm fairly certain that…

"It's not actually mine, it's Freddie's."

…it's Freddie's card. "Do you two share an account?"

"Nope! It's all his. He doesn't even know I have it right now, honestly. But what he doesn't know won't hurt him!"

She says it so nonchalantly, like spending his money is no big deal. _'Oh my gosh look at me spending all of my fiancé's money on stupid shit like spray tans and another new pair of heels I'll only wear once! Isn't my life so amaze-balls?'_ YEESH.

"Um, not to tell you how to live your life or anything, but don't you think it's kinda sketch to just take his card like that without him knowing?", Carly asked, serving as my voice right now.

Alyssa stared back at Carly like she had grown a second head or a third eye; like that question was the dumbest thing her fancy schmancy ears had ever heard. I can hear her mentally scoffing in my own head, and I can actually see her eyes roll ever so slightly before a tight ass smile spreads across her lips. "I only take it because he doesn't do anything with it, honestly. We have a spending limit on it and he never buys anything so…."

I'm trying to wrap my head around how utterly shitty and awful that sounds, and before I can call this idiot out on her shittiness, V clears her throat and suggests that we all go take a trip to the mall, something about retail therapy or whatever, I don't know.

As we get up to leave, I'm shooting daggers into the back of this chick's head, contemplating how I can get away with shoving her down the elevator shaft when I feel Carly's soft fingers on my exposed shoulder. Something about the way she would just touch me sometimes always made me calm down and think somewhat rationally.

"We'll talk when we get home, I promise."

* * *

Three agonizing and torturous hours later, we were finally making our way home. I was just about ready to burst at the seams, I wanted so badly to throw Alyssa at the fucking ground. If I ever had to listen to her talk about how she loves her Mommy and Daddy dearest and her charmed life ever again, it'll be too soon. She's officially worse than Mel, and _nobody_ is as bad as Mel. Holy crap.

"Easy tigress, we're almost there. We just need to make sure Alyssa won't be able to hear us…"

"She won't, she'll be too busy talking about how much she loves her Daddy because he pays for everything when she isn't paying for stuff with Freddie's money."

She nods her head and murmurs "True, true" to herself as she opens the door and walks inside, only to stop dead in her tracks a few steps in, nearly making me fall down as I bump into her. "Um. Hello", I hear her say. I peer around her shoulder and instantly feel a huge smile spread across my lips as I see who she's talking to.

"Sup Puckett", says Dice as he stands up from the couch.

"Good bye!" bellows Goomer, which only made me laugh and made Dice slap his forehead.

"Dice! Gooms! You made it here okay!", I say excitedly as I nudge past Carly and high five the two of them. "Wait, if you're here, then where's—"

"SURPRISE HUG!"

And sure enough, giggles filled the air in the apartment as I felt two tiny arms wrap around me from behind. I'm not a hugger. I never have been and I never will be. But admittedly, this felt nice. It had been too long since I had seen the three of them.

"Missed you, Kitty Cat", I say as I return the hug, only for a few seconds before detaching myself from the redhead in front of me. "It's nice to see you."

"I missed you too, Sammy!", she squealed excitedly as she turned to give Carly a hug as well. She turns to face me and I can tell that she's got a million things she wants to say to me, judging from the look drawn upon her features. "I got here as quickly as I could, just like your text said to!"

"Huh? I said that I'd text you the deets on your Ryde when it was time to pick you up. What're you talking about?"

She quickly pulled her phone out and showed me the text I allegedly sent. "I never sent that, Cat. I was dead asleep…at that time…" I mutter as my eyes drift behind her to Carly, who's whistling to herself and looking everywhere but in my direction. "Carly. Is there something you want to tell me?"

After feigning ignorance for a few more seconds, she finally makes eye contact with me and gives me her best 'Please forgive me' smile while holding her arms outstretched in an overly exaggerated shrug.

"The more help the merrier?"

What have I gotten myself into.


	5. swell guy

**Hey everyone, I'm super sorry for the delayed update. Work and life in general have been kicking me in the face every chance it gets, so my sincerest apologies. I'm hoping to have the next chapter up relatively soon. In the meantime, sorry again for the wait, and I hope you enjoy the latest chapter!**

* * *

_Three years ago_

Sam sighed as she packed the last of her belongings into its designated box, taking a look around at the bedroom. This had been her home for such a long time, and now she was just upping and leaving for the rainy skies of Seattle. Her real home. She didn't think she'd ever leave Los Angeles, at least not for a little while longer, but as soon as she heard from Spencer that Carly was finally returning from her Italian sojourn…coupled with Cat graduating from Hollywood Arts and immediately having opportunities lined up for her…it made sense to turn the page on this chapter of her life.

That didn't make the goodbye she was about to say any less emotional or painful.

Sam picked up the box filled with all of her clothes and began to exit the room, stopping only in the doorway to take one last look at it all. Seeing her half of the room now devoid of her things was weird, but she figured that Cat would do something with the open space once she got around to it. Maybe build a shrine to all of her stuffed animals or something. The idea of Cat doing something like that distracted her from the impending sadness that was threatening to wash over her, causing her to smile for a moment.

"So long, room. It was nice knowing you."

She turned on her heel and made her way down the hall to the living room, and it was there that the sadness completely overtook her. Cat stood by the couch, clutching her favorite purple giraffe, doing her best to not break down right then and there and doing a bad job at it. Her lower lip was quivering, her eyes began to glisten with tears that were threatening to fall at any moment, and her entire body was quaking. Placing the box down, the blonde quickly closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around the red head, the two of them letting their tears fall freely as they sobbed in silence.

Sam pulled back after she had somewhat composed herself, pawing at her eyes and sniffling as she forced Cat to look at her, her eyes puffy and as red as her hair. "Cat, look at me, okay? Please?"

Cat did as she was asked, albeit barely, their eyes locking onto one another for a nanosecond before she threw her arms around her roommate's neck, burying her face into the collar of the leather jacket she was wearing. "Do you have to go?", she managed to choke out as the grip she had on the blonde's neck tightened.

It was such a simple yet loaded question, one that Sam didn't feel much like answering. As she began to rub Cat's back in a comforting manner, she let another sigh escape her lips, this one heavier than the last. "I do", she stated simply, causing Cat to let another whimper loose into the room. "But this isn't goodbye, okay? It may seem like that, but it isn't. It's the furthest thing from a goodbye. This is see you later."

She managed to pry Cat off of her, the two of them now making full eye contact, neither one of them sure of what to say to the other. "You hugged me."

"What?", she asked a little incredulously before it finally dawned on her that, yes, she was the one who initiated the hug this time, as opposed to the other way around. "Oh, yeah. Well. Don't get used to it, okay? Consider this a onetime thing."

That only made Cat sob even more, and led to a few more tears sliding down Sam's cheek as well as they resumed hugging, letting the weight and gravity of everything hang in the air for a few more moments. Neither one of them wanted to let go, because they both knew the second that they did, their situation would become a lot more real and they just wanted to hang onto this for a few more seconds.

"Who's gonna help me make soup when I don't remember how to open the can?", Cat asked, earning a laugh from Sam as she finally, and regretfully, let go.

"Who's gonna help me shoot hot dogs at Goomer when he says something stupid?", Sam countered with as Cat followed suit and let go as well. They remained there in silence for a couple of minutes, both of them unsure of what else to say. The sounds of the U-Lug's horn that was carrying all of Sam's stuff back to Seattle rang through the air, causing both of them to jump a little and sigh.

"We're still gonna talk every day, okay? I want to know how everything goes with your singing and acting. And Seattle's only a three hour flight away, so you can definitely come visit whenever you can, and I'll definitely come visit you as much as I can too. It's like I'll have never left. You'll be so sick of me."

A smile finally began to form on the red head's lips upon hearing all that Sam had to say. "I could never get sick of you! And whatever you end up doing back home, I wanna know all about it! Every single detail, even the boring ones. And I wanna know how all your friends out there are doing too! Tell them I said hi when you get there!"

The horn sounded again and that meant that their time was quickly running out before Sam had to jet and begin her trek back home. Cat hugged her again, and Sam reciprocated it willingly. "If you ever need anything, tell me and I'll be there for you. I promise, Red."

Cat nodded ruefully as she let go of her now former roommate for the last time, a sad smile spread across her lips. "And if you ever need anything, I'll be there for you too, Sam."

"I promise."

* * *

_Present day_

"You went and texted Cat while I was _sleeping!?_"

If it were anyone else in the world that had done what Carly did, I would've punched them right in the head and given them about sixteen concussions. But because it's her, I'm doing my best to rein in my anger and rage and try to be civil with her.

"I'm only trying to help!"

"So your idea of helping me is texting Cat behind my back and telling her I got hit by a _taco truck!?_"

It's not working, clearly.

"I didn't know how else to get her here so quickly!"

I begin to massage my temples, rubbing them in a circular motion, because that's all that's seemingly preventing me from wanting to break Carly's arms off and beat her over the head with them. I could tell she felt really bad about doing what she did, even if she had my best intentions in mind, and I can't stay mad at her for very long but. Damn. A taco truck? It couldn't have been a super charged Prius?

The sound of the door creaking open echoes off of the walls of Spencer's bedroom, and I can see Cat poking her head in in my peripherals. She looked worried, but mostly confused. Like she does when someone asks her paper or plastic at the supermarket. "Um, is everything okay? Did I do something wrong?"

"Noooo, never Kitty Cat. You're perfectly fine. I'm just mad at Carly for lying to you, is all."

"Well when you put it that bluntly, you make it sound like I'm some terrible woman."

"Right now you are so shush."

I could tell Carls wanted to snipe back at me with some snippy response but the look of absolute murder on my face quickly put the kibosh on that. She muttered an _'I'm sorry'_ and then wrapped her arms around me from behind, which only made Cat's eyes light up as she bum-rushed into the room and soon enough I was a Cat and Carly Sammy (Sam…sandwich…sometimes I crack myself up.) I silently counted to two before loudly announcing that they both had to get off of me, which they thankfully did.

Cat then began poking and prodding me as if I were a dead frog that was to be dissected in a high school science lab somewhere, and I let it go on for a few seconds before grabbing her wrists and holding them up so that she could stop. "Is there a reason why you're doing this?"

"I just wanted to make sure you and your parts were all together still", she said simply, that smile of hers making me shake my head and smile myself. "Looks like they are so hooray! **OH!**", she then said excitedly, her arms swinging outward, hand slapping my chest. What was it with her and slapping my boobs? "I have to show you something!"

"If it's another stuffed animal I'm going to scream", I say only half-jokingly as she takes me by my hand, which in turn made me latch onto Carly's hand, as the little red headed engine that could but definitely probably shouldn't began to drag us back out into the living room, where she motioned at Dice and Goomer to follow. "Where exactly are you taking us?"

"Okay so you remember that texting competition you won when your hand was glued to my foot and we were supposed to get a speedboat but we got some janky little toy instead and I was really bummed and you said that one day I'll get my speedboat and I said I was gonna get one no matter what!?", she said so quickly and breathlessly that I felt like I needed to take a nap as she dragged us to the elevator.

"Wait, your hand was glued to her foot?", Carly asked incredulously as the door shut.

"Not the point", I mutter, my attention turning back to Cat. "Why can't you just tell us what's going on?"

"You won't believe me if I tell you so I'll just show you!", she exclaimed happily as she hopped in place, unable to contain her excitement.

* * *

She was right. I couldn't believe it.

Before us stood, incredulously, a speedboat. Full size. In neon pink.

To say that I was speechless would be an understatement. I was just…in awe.

"**I GOT A SPEEDBOAT!**", Cat proudly shouted, thrusting her arms outward in a very 'ta da' like manner, smiling from ear to ear as she couldn't contain her giggles. I felt something tugging on the sleeve of my shirt, which was Carly's own way of telling me that she too couldn't believe what she was seeing. I shook my head and rubbed at both of my eyes, and yet it continued to stare me in the face.

"How is this…I just….neon pink?", was all I could get out because something like this shouldn't be happening. How on earth does someone like Cat end up the proud new owner of a goddamn speedboat? How did she even get a boating license? Does she even have her driver's license yet!? I have so many questions and no answers. I didn't even know where to start.

"You brought that thing all the way here to show us? You couldn't have just texted a picture of it?", Carly asked, trying to remain levelheaded but failing. She walked forward and ran her hand along the smooth exterior of the hull, as if she were examining it. "How long ago did you get this?"

"Last week!", she answered as she climbed up the small ladder and began to walk along the small bridge to the steering wheel. "Dice knows a guy and he was able to get me a really good deal on it! Do you like it? Please tell me you do."

I had to admit…it was pretty bitchin'. Hideous color aside, it looked like it was top of the line, like the ones they would race on TV, or at the very least the ones that all those old crones at the docks would own. It definitely gets the Sam Puckett stamp of approval. "I dig it, Red. You did good getting this."

"Where are you gonna stash this thing when you get home to LA?", Carly asked, ever the inquisitive girl that she is. "Isn't it gonna cost you a lot of money to do so? What about gas? And everythi—"

I pressed my hand across her lips to shush her. Just let the kid have her fun with her speedboat, Carls. It was her dream to own one, after all.

"My Nona knows the guy who runs the docks by me, so he's letting me keep it there rent free", she replied happily as she began playing around with the wheel, inviting the two of us to join her on it. "He said he'll help me keep it full and help with the maintenance when I'm not around. Swell guy, that Javier."

"But wait…", Carly said, which only made me groan as loudly as I could. How many times did I have to tell her? The less questions asked when it came to Cat and how she happily and haphazardly skipped through her life, the better. "How did you even get this whole thing down here?"

"I drove her!", Goomer piped in, making us all jump out of our collective skins as his large head popped up from outside the boat, that hilariously doofy smile on his lips as he looked around at the three of us. "I hitched the ol' S.S. Valentine up to my pick up and we droves all the way here!"

S.S. Valentine. She _would_ name it that.

"Yeah but—"

"Wanna see how it rides!?", Cat suddenly blurted out, her eyes filled with frenzy. I knew that look all too well; she wasn't about to take no for an answer right now, especially since it would involve showing off her brand new toy. "Come on, let's do it! It'll be fun, I promise!"

I looked over at Carly, and I could tell that she was about to object, because I knew she wanted to game plan stuff in regards to Fredbag and that god awful woman he calls a fiancée, and all I wanted was to do the exact damn opposite of that right now. I just spent a chunk of my precious day listening to her drone on and on (and on and on and on) about herself. It's a miracle I didn't snap her neck right then. How could she think I'd want to spend even more time talking about her? Does she not know anything about me by now? So, before she could even so much as utter a peep, I pressed my hand over her mouth and turned to Goomer, ready to get this show on the road.

"Let's go! Gooms, fire up the truck and bring this sucker down to the docks! We got an ocean to ride on!"

"Kay kay", he responded eagerly as he rushed up to his truck, before rushing right back, dumbfounded look on his face. "I can't open the door."

"Why not?"

"Cuz I can't find my keys", he answered in that slow southern drawl of his, shrugging his shoulders. "I coulda sworn I had 'em on me when we was upstairs…"

"Wait!", Cat suddenly yelled out, looking around the surrounding area frantically. "Where's Dice?"

…

…

"Did we leave him upstairs?"

…

"Should we report him as a missing child if he's not one of our own?"

….

"Wasn't he right behind you, Gooms?"

….

"THE ELEVATOR!"

* * *

So after half an hour, we finally managed to get Dice out of the elevator, to which he was both incredibly grateful that he was, you know, no longer stuck in a metal box, and super hot at us for not realizing he was in there sooner. He was so heated, he even made the mistake of trying to berate Lewbert, telling him that he needed to check on stuff like that more regularly.

Needless to say, ol' Lewbs didn't take to that all too kindly.

We've been on the water for an hour and Dice is still shell shocked.

"Where did you learn to ride this thing?", I asked as I tried nudging Dice, who just kept blankly staring off into the distance, as if he was searching for some greater meaning to life. "And how have you not blown it up yet?"

She shook her head and happily hummed a song as she searched for the answer. And then it just came to her suddenly, like so many of her ideas, good and bad. "Oh! Javier showed me! Spent an entire day with me showing me all the little things and all. Swell guy, that Javier."

I couldn't help but laugh as I began imagining Cat driving this poor dude crazy with all her questions and her overall quirkiness, all while she just smiled and wondered why he was getting more and more agitated. "So tell me all about how you've been! It's been like what, a year and a half since I last saw you? What goes on in the life of Sam Puckle?"

Carly tilted her head to the side, mouthing 'Puckle?' to herself while Goomer cackled hysterically, and I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying not to flip out at the continued butchering of my last name. "Cat, how many times do I have to go over this with you?"

"Go over what?"

"That my last name isn't Puckle, or Pumpkin, or Pickle, or Pooka, or Pompom, its PUCKETT. P-U-ckett."

"P-U? But you don't smell."

I slapped my forehead. I can't believe I lived with this woman as long as I did and didn't beat her over the head with a Hooked on Sonants book…

"I mean, the ocean kinda smells but it's a good smell…"

"Cat, can you stop smelling the Pacific Ocean for a moment and focus."

"But it kinda smells like tuna fish!"

"If I promise to have Carly make you some tuna, will you pay attention for two seconds?"

"When did I get dragged into this?"

I shushed Carls and placed my hands on Cat's tiny shoulders, making her look me in the eye. "I'm only going to say this one last time, okay? My last name is Puckett. Remember when you told me that Jade shaved your hair all off because you waxed her eyebrows off?"

She gasped, bringing her hands up to her mouth as her eyes grew wide, almost like her namesake animal. "Y-yes…"

"If you call me anything other than Sam Puckett, I'll make sure your hair never grows back."

Now, would I ever actually do that to her? Shoosh no, I actually **like** Cat. But is it okay to instill that fear into her and make her think I would? Hell yeah. And would I actually do that to my worst enemies? Now that I think about it…

"No, Sam, you can't shave Alyssa's hair off while she's asleep", Carly butted in almost on que, making me roll my eyes. That girl has gotta stop swimming around in my head like that, it's starting to get annoying. I went to speak up but it was her turn to shush me. "I don't care how funny it would be, it's wrong on so many levels."

"Try telling Jade that…", Cat murmured as she protectively stroked her precious red locks. "And who's Alyssa and why does Sam want to shave her head?"

Before I could even interject and make up some blatant lie, Carly beat me to the punch and blurted out the words 'Freddie's fiancée', which of course made everyone on the boat turn and look at me (even Dice emerged from his Lewbert-induced stupor) and all I want to do right now is jump overboard and begin swimming to shore. It shouldn't be that long of a swim right? I can do it. If I jump now I can get back before nightfall…

"You didn't tell me that Freddie was engaged!", Cat exclaimed as she slapped my arm (I say slapped verrrrry loosely), her face a mixture of shock and excitement that quickly turns back into confusion. "Wait, that's a bad thing, isn't it?"

All I could manage at that point was a short, curt nod, while Carly placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "We didn't find out about it until yesterday. He just showed up and was like, 'Long time no talk, by the way here's my fiancée who looks like the dollar store version of Sam, hope that's okay!' It was all very sudden."

I sighed and nodded, looking up toward the sky for a moment before my eyes landed on Cat, who looked like she was either about to scream or cry. Or both. "Dollar store version of Sam?"

"You remember that time when I tricked you with my twin sister, Melanie?", a shiver running up and down my spine at the mere mention of her name while Cat nodded, a tiny scowl on her face at the mention of that sore subject. "Well, this dishrag Alyssa is exactly like Mel, except worse, somehow. And nobody is as bad as Mel."

"I find that hard to believe…"

That was when Carls leaned in and whispered something into Cat's ear, and her mood did an immediate 180 and she looked as if someone had told her that her hair was stupid or something. "Are you serious?"

"Yup, just nonchalantly takes his card and spends all his money like he doesn't bust his butt for it."

"That…that…"

"C'mon Kitty Cat, you know you wanna say it."

"That skunkbag!"

"Miss Cat!", Goomer gasped as he turned around in his seat. "I didn't know you were capable of such language! Dice shouldn't be hearing that, Miss Cat."

"I'm almost seventeen! I'm practically an adult!", he exclaimed bewilderedly, while Gooms shook his head and mouthed something to me about Dice being in denial or something ridiculous. It was always so hard to tell what was running through that brain of his.

"How could she just do something like that?", Cat asked, snapping me back to reality. "Carly told me that her mom and dad pay for everything too? What's her flippin' issue?"

I shrugged my shoulders, my palms turned upwards as I had no answer for why Alyssa was literally the worst human being on the face of the earth. Congrats, Briggs, you've finally been knocked off your perch for shittiest woman ever. "I don't even know, nor do I really care. It just sucks that Fredbag is being treated like some second class citizen in his own relationship. I can't stand him anymore, but not even he deserves someone as terrible as that pushing him around."

And then, almost on cue, both Carly and Sam spoke out, "Oh, so _you're_ the only one who should be pushing him around?", which made both of them look at each other with weird smiles, before Cat blurted out something about a jinx and how Carls owed her a Peppy Cola. I can already tell that having the two them are gonna become real fast friends this weekend. Carly's bad enough on her own sometimes, but now she's gonna have Cat feeding into her madness and bouncing off of it with her own? _Fuck me_, right?

"I know what we can do!", she then yelled, making me nearly jump out of my skin as she clapped her hands excitedly and began giggling that giggle of hers. I knew that giggle. She was thinking of something (probably not thinking too hard, but whatever), and I could tell that I wasn't gonna like it, nope, not one bit, not at all, no siree. "I know how we can get that jerk away from Freddie!"

My head shot up with alarm; was she suggesting what I think she was suggesting?

"And how do you propose we do that?", Carly asked with intrigue, clearly wanting to hear what had to be said.

"Well, Tori and Jade and all the rest of my friends from Hollywood Arts are getting here tonight! Isn't tonight the rehearsal dinner?", she asked, to which we both nodded. "Perfect! When they get here, I'll let you all in on the plan!"

"Why can't ya just let us in on it now?", Goomer asks, his drawl heavier than normal.

"Because I'm still thinking of it!", Cat responds, which makes us all collectively groan except for Carly, who's already in her ear again and whispering about what they can do. I turn around to face the back of the boat, wanting nothing to do with this at all. I just wanna be back on dry land and then make a run for it and hide somewhere. V will understand if I skip out on the wedding, right? I know Spencer won't care. Yeah! I'll just take a train to nowhere and camp out somewhere for the rest of the weekend. Nobody'll miss me, right? Right?

"If you try and run when we get back home, I'll find you and make you sit through a TED talk about saving the environment."

I glare at Carly before closing my eyes and shaking my head. "Can we just get back to land already? So you two can plan my life out for me and make me as miserable as possible?"

"Kay kay", Cat replied as she turned around in her seat and turned the key in the ignition, the motor whirring to life. Except it then quickly shorted out and died. Cat tried again. Nothing.

"Why isn't it turning on?"

…

…

"Cat, what does 'E' mean?"

…..

…

"Um…I think we're out of gas."

Kill me.

* * *

**And that's that! I wanted to break away from the Sam & Freddie drama for a bit and have some fun with Sam, Cat and Carly all together in the same place. Next chapter is a big one, with the rehearsal dinner and the rest of the Victorious gang arriving! Who knows what'll happen with all of them together? See ya soon! **


End file.
